depressedgayboy (depressedgayboy) wrote,

Live your life.

Hello friends, I am not writing to you out of depression or out of hatred, But I am writing to you from my heart. See what I mean.

As this summer started I assumed it as it was going to be another normal drunken closeted pointless summer that is just wasting away our good innocent lives. I am going to be a senior in High school this year. Finally as we all anticipated it for our three years of hell in school. All of the hazing and working just until this last year.

As always I imagine my high school year to be the best time of my life. Until I finally realized that I don't want it to be the best time of my life. I am going to be 18 in about 4 months and I only want it to be a chapter in my life. I hear my elders saying that High School is the best time of your life, and I have come to realize that if that is the best time of my life, I haven't live my life to it's fullest.

I am sure it is going to be a fun and exciting year among completion but like i said that I just want it to be a chapter. I am expecting a lot of more things that are memorable and exciting. I want to travel, and adopt children. I want to look back when I am in my 70's and and know that the best part of my life isn't just high school, but my life is what I was living.

This summer has made me realize a lot of this. Like I was saying before, I assumed it as a regular summer that my friends and I always have. But this summer has taught me a lot about my self. Kind of like a revolution. I kind of revived my self this summer and a few people can carry credit for it.

It is time for the story. Back in may I was going every other night onto craigslist and looking for the one night stand. The hook ups that just kept me to completion for 48 hours. Screw worrying about catching an STD or making mistakes that would be scared into me for as long as I can remember. If you don't know, I am a gay white male. So hook ups are easier that usual.

One night I get online, and was about to post a personal searching for the daily deed, and some random guy pops up and instant message on my screen. I had IMed him earlier that night, as I noticed he was playing GTA4. We got to talking and picture trading. I knew he was kind of older than I but at this point in my desperateness it did not matter how attractive he was or what age he was.

I get around to agreeing to meet him and we had decided on a Conney island in between our locations. We met, he was shorter than I expected, but I just was glad he was not a creep. We ventured out into the parking lot and decided to carry the night on. Later on our departures home we were talking to each other via text messaging. He said He really liked me. I agreed and we decided to meet another time.

At the time of this just a few close friends knew about my turn of life, and I was not proud of it what so ever. As me and Rod met more and more, we liked each other more and more. We ended up dating about a week or so later. (It was a lot of dates in between that week) Than the words, I love you were spoken out of him mouth. As the shock I was in I did not know what to say, but it back. I am sure I did not mean it at the moment, but he defiantly grew on me.

As our relationship grew I have decided to inform my parents on my decision and how certain I was. I came out to my parents and my father was more accepting at first than my mother. Than it grew on her and our relationship is greater than ever. I have come out to mostly everyone since than. In this summer I have traveled to New Jersey with my boyfriend, and spent as many nights with him as I could.

What I am trying to get by telling you all of this is that do not think of your life now as the supposed best time, but as the current time. Make a smile come out everyday and do not forget it. You never know when someone is watching. I have had one of the best summers of my life. And I expect better ones to come.

This summer has helped me realize how to be a happy person. How to accept who I am and how to deal with my depression and my life style. I feel as if I am able to take on life now, I can finish High School and I can live my life how I want to live it with out restrictions. I realized me being gay is just a small part of who I am, and It isn't a lifestyle, I look at it as a quality. I accept me. I am proud. I am supported by my love ones. And I know it.

If you can learn anything by reading this is that you can learn from my experiences that life will improve. Being gay, Being depressed, Or being anything that you think restricts you from enjoying life, you can over come it. Thats my closing statement and I hope you take it to heart.

I love you Rodney
Always; DGB
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