depressedgayboy (depressedgayboy) wrote,
depressedgayboy
depressedgayboy

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Today was rough...


I woke up dismorning and layed there. I woke up at 3am and didnt have to wake up for another 3 hours. I sat there thinking of how pethetic I was. wasting away. I thought about how I hated my life. How all my friends and everyone else is now a blur. Everyone I have ever gotten close to is now going away thanks to me not wanting to be with them. I started to cry as I though about me being bisexual. How I was nothing but under my parents expectations. Of course they dont know tears me apart. I wear a mask everyday. Everyday I pretend to be. To be me. Why I am this way I sobbed away asking nobuddy. because I was alone. Like always.

Then my dad finally came in my room to "wake me up" and after lying there for another ten minutes I got up and went in the shower. I sat there letting the hot water run down my big body. The I sat down. I sat there thinking again. Thinking about not going to school. I was in the shower for nearly an hour, then I got out. I was probly 45 minutes late for fisrt hour. Shit who cared. I finally got to school around 8 and went to my second hour. I was in there for probly 3 minutes after the bell when I got called down to the office by my most hated assistant principal.

I waited 15 more minutes. He finally gets the balls to call me in and was like your on the verge of being put on truency and having your credits taken away from you this semester. I was so fucking ferious. Before I could say anything he started dialing the numbers and was calling my mom. He made sure to put it on speaker phone so I could hear her response. He told me that one. He told her that and she sounded as if she wanted to cry. then she explained to him while off speakerphone that I was depressed. I was even more enraged. I dont know if I was more mad at her for telling him or more mad at him for being a dick. I stormed out of his office to my second hour.

The rest of the day at school was real shitty. I was getting text messeges all day from my mom and dad about disapoitment. thenmy dads was like when you get off of school I will be home to "talk" to you. My mom drives a semi truck so shes onlyhome on the weekends. So I get home and sure enough he was there.

After getting my alone he took me to his truck and we went to the bank and to a little hole in the wall reasturaunt to talk. on the way he was sure to include the talk about missing school. We arrived to the place and got a table. I attempted explaining to him how I was depressed and how it was effecting me. I was pissed because almost everything I said had a smartass comment attatched to the end of his thanks to him or him shaking his head in disapoitment.

I got home at 5 and sat in my room till now. I sat here thinking about the people that make me feel better. Right now I have 2 people that i want to be with. Chuck and Jessica. I love them. See its when you know your depressed when yoyou dont enjoy sex or time with them anymore. This depression is ripping me apart alive. and I dont like it. But I like being alone now. I just want to be alone. Is that good? 

And I think everyone should watch the video on opression.
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